I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
