I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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