oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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