I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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