i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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