I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
