Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
