Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize