It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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