Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
