are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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