just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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