Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
