I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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