I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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