Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
