I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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