Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
