yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize