I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
