rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
