When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
