508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
