Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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