The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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