I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
