Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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