seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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