i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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