Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
