He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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