hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
