K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
