yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
