i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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