my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Randomize
