birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
just found out that she named her cat after me.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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