Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize