everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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