I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
