I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
