4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
