dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
