Need sex. Gaining weight.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize