Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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