I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
