There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
