Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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