Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize