I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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