I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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