There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
