I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
