Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
