You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
