just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
