1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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