Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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