the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
