David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
