you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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