; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
