The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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