Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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