3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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